Sometimes you are running and can’t stop, other times you remain perfectly still, yet still running in your mind.
It’s been awhile since I’ve been here, to this place, to the place God gave me among the stars. The universe is so infinite, yet not so infinite after all. I found God, chased God, looked for truth and kept moving in time… sometimes to the rhythm of the motion of my own words, sometimes the inner calling that is Him. Afraid and alone in a chapel He called me away, from the only life I’ve ever known…
Some of us go days or years or eternities before we find what we’re looking for, and we are all looking for something. He was right there, and I was uncomfortable, as I still am at times with the place that I am in. But even in my solitude I have more joy than I could have ever imagined. And in my quiet whispers, in the convent of my soul to which He has called me, she was there and led me home. There is doctrine, fighting, war and the like, and then there is her, and Him. We find God at the least likely times, in our putrid moments, hurling in a toilet, down on our knees. It is humbling. To know Him, to love Him, and to know that the happiness that I was chasing always led to Him.
I realize now that I am just a small spot on the spectrum of eternity. But I have a place in this vast universe where most of us feel so alone. Even on the nights my thoughts came out loud, she heard me. She was gently, softly bringing me to Him.
We’re all on a journey. We’re here. We’re wanting. We’re hungry. If we are still for just long enough, we will hear the echoes of our soul, the longing, and God in the tavern. And she is waiting patiently. And she is my Mother. And I am free.