Leave it behind

“She left Samuel there”

I couldn’t shake that last portion of verse 28 from my head. That specific translation. The one that says she left her son at a temple, left him there to serve God. Hannah took the very son she loved the most and had prayed for and gave him back to God, no questions asked, no force. I imagine it was a difficult journey, a hard walk to the house of the Lord in Shiloh. He was still a baby, a small child, not old enough to understand what was going on. I imagine she doubted herself, maybe even tortured herself. I imagine her heart was moved, tortured and glad all at the same time. And then a spiritual break in my thought- sounds eerily familiar to the dedication of Jesus in the temple.

Two women bringing children they know are destined by the Lord for greatness. Two mothers who are equally joyful over the prospect that their sons will be serving the Lord and at the same time sorrowful. Hannah because she had to leave Samuel behind, Mary because she knew Jesus would eventually leave her behind, a sword to pierce her heart.

I cannot imagine the torture each felt at the moment they knew they left their hearts behind- the hearts that beat inside the little bodies that they were offering back to God. The bodies that left their bodies, the babies they had nurtured and weaned and cared for. There is nothing more precious than the gift of life inside of  you- especially when you are aware it was given to you by God.

She left Samuel there

“He has been sent as a sign from God, but many will oppose him. As a result, the deepest thoughts of many hearts will be revealed.  And a sword will pierce your very soul.”

Doesn’t that move you? Can you see it? The messiah will provoke our deepest thoughts, He will reveal to us what is truly inside of us, move us, shake us, and well Mary, like Hannah chose suffering, knowing that she was part of God’s larger picture, part of a bigger story. 

What is on the inside of you that God has given to you? The most precious thing? The thing that God has asked you to give back to Him? What could bring you this joy and blessed sorrow? What are you supposed to be giving back to Jesus…

She left Samuel there

And a sword will pierce your very soul


2 thoughts on “Leave it behind

  1. Wow. Powerful. I have had to give my two sons back to God. The only difference is they are not being used by God, not now anyway. They are prodigals. It is so hard. It is a sword to my very soul. Thank you for this perspective. Very powerful.


    1. You know, you were at the forefront of my mind and spirit when I wrote this, and so heavy on my heart. I wrote it when the Spirit spoke, but had no idea what I was writing until the end. I hoped you’d read it, knowing there was a deeper message and meaning in it for you. I still think there is something deeper that needs to be sifted out.

      There’s something about joy and suffering that sometimes does not mix or coincide so well, like oil and water in us as humans. There is something about trying to piece those two emotions together that is frightening. But I imagine that out of pain comes joy.

      Maybe they’re not prodigals after all, maybe they’re just God’s children that need to be left in the temple.

      Love you friend


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