“and the victory that conquers the world is our faith.” 1 John 5:4(b)
How do we fly? How do we live in our own space? How do we move without moving too far ahead? How do we live moment to moment, hour to hour? How do we become free?
I didn’t learn this lesson until recently. How to feel my own skin and know my own breath. How to just be o.k. with the traffic, focusing on the car in front of me. How to put aside the cliché of being “in” the moment. How in the world do you live in a moment? How do you live inside of time?
To a God who is eternal, there is no time. This was even harder for me to understand. We are such temporal beings. I hated Ecclesiastes 3:1, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” Admit it, you hate it too. Because you haven’t lived inside of it. Because you haven’t accepted it. You love love and hate hate. You hate war and love peace. You don’t want to die. You don’t want to stay quiet. But in this season of abandonment, a miracle happened. I learned to live inside the moment and swallow the day whole.
I stepped out after a long while in prayer, and I was different. I had turned the tables without knowing it. God change me! God help me! God heal me! I took on a new biblical mission statement:
“I am the Lord’s slave, ” said Mary. “May it be done to me according to your word.” Luke 1:38
You see, I had a greater desire to be a slave to Christ than to be free in the world. And that prayer, He answered… swiftly.
It’s as if the curtains of the universe opened its stage to me. I could see the car in front of me, the person smoking a cigarette, the crumbs on my floor. I went from moment to moment, floating on lily pads. I saw the yellow in places I had never noticed, I heard the vocals in songs. I looked in the mirror and saw my messy hair and thought, God made me beautiful.
And in the middle of my ordinary day in my ordinary life with an extraordinary prayer, He heard me. My goal was never happiness, it was Him. My goal was to stay at the soles of His feet and learn to stay there. To deny myself. And for that, He let me stay and see every raindrop that hit my window. I heard my laugh. And I forgot all about what was on the agenda for tomorrow.
It is a great dichotomy to become a slave in order to be free. But I tasted grace. I tasted the menu on today’s agenda.
So I don’t say be in the moment, but let the moment be in you. Get down on your knees and ask the God of the universe to hear you. Don’t ask for a new job or a new life. Tell Him you are His slave and worship Him there.
I don’t think I’ll ever see a butterfly or a blade of grass quite the same way. I am still in today. Right now I noticed the g on my keyboard, the feeling of being naked in front of a crowd and the silver flecks in my candle.
Did you come to serve or be served?