If you haven’t visited for Eucharistic adoration, you really should. You don’t have to be a Catholic. You can simply be a person that has blood flowing through your veins. If your mind is open, the door is open; even if you are grappling with the handle.
I am Catholic like I breathe air. There is no separation. It was and has always been my destiny. Catholicism isn’t the appendix, it’s the heart, I simply cannot live without it.
I read something some time back about adoration. For those that traveled and were unable to make it they could bring the practice of adoring our Lord wherever they were. I had no idea at the time of what that meant. I had built a solid practice of attending our Eucharistic adoration every Wednesday. It was a necessity. Rushing into the chapel like a crazed and restless lover. No lipstick, veil. He is over powering. Lost breath, bated breath, waiting on Him all day. That room was His and mine. Nothing and nobody could have separated me from that time with Him. But time began to run out. Hours at work got long, than longer. And I couldn’t steal those moments. And my lipstick went back on. And my veil sat neatly in my purse peeking its top. And I cried. I had lost the lover of my soul…
But the words came rushing back to me. It was 8 a.m. Headphones neatly entangled in my ears. The coffee was cold. Thank God I don’t smoke. Its been almost fourteen years like this. I am listening to jail calls. I am a legalized voyeur. My mind wanders listening to the two. I have heard these conversations seventeen and a half million times before. I am not sure it’s quite normal to be normalized to this stuff. But in the midst of it all my mind drifts to Jesus. I can see the monstrance, it appears before me. Their words become softer when He is there. They are talking about sinful things. But the gold surrounding the monstrance becomes strangely familiar in front of me. And there, right there in the middle, I see the face of my son. It was only then that I understood the devotion out of time and space to our Eucharistic Lord.
Today is Wednesday. I missed adoration again. I wanted to run, scream all the way to the church. I hate long distance relationships. I’m not good at them. And I was missing Him. But again I saw my son. And he’s not the one with the problem, I am.
So I picked the kids up and told my son we were going for a walk. I told him I was sorry, to forgive me. He told me I promised I wouldn’t yell and that I broke that promise. I told him he was right.
“You know what makes me calm mama? ”
No buddy, what?
“Flowers. Flowers make me calm.”
I could see his flowers, he could see my face. It was the Blessed Mother. She’s not just a statue…
I was puzzled.
“That’s what you said mama, looking at flowers makes you calm. Me too mama.”
And in an instant she was there. There was the monstrance again. And I, I was walking with Jesus.
For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me,
naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.