children · lawyer

“It is through many persecutions that we must enter the kingdom of God”

Imprint, Wall, Print, Hand, Design, Pattern, WhiteI am learning to accept the journey, slowly. So slowly. When I look around at the land that surrounds me, I realize where I am. Whether it be battle or peace, preaching or on my knees, I have to stop to remember where I am, and know that wherever that is, is exactly where God wants me to be.

The road we travel is dirty, difficult, treacherous, but beautiful, oh so beautiful. The colors of what we experience are unforgettable. When we are steadfast, true in the Holy Spirit, see past what we see, break into the realm of the spiritual, experience God in a mystical way, talk about these things. When God fills us up, when we can see Him, hear Him, feel Him everywhere. He is not just a mythical creature in an old book, He is our reality, our steps , our movement, our reason for waking. And if we walk slow enough we can catch glimpses of His glory, His smile; when we stop by the homeless man and look square into his face. 

I reminisced yesterday on the years I spent representing children in foster care. The pain and the beauty. My life completely entangled in theirs. But then I remembered back even further to the first child I ever helped. I remember that cold metal table at the detention center. Her blonde hair was memorable to me. I remembered her face. And I remembered how sad she was. And I stayed a long, long time. And she said nobody had ever stayed with her that long, and she smiled. And I said I’ll stay as long as you need me, and she smiled. And the conversation didn’t matter so much as the caring did, and I didn’t know her but I knew that she and I were meant to be there in that moment. And I remember leaving our visit filled with hope and despair all at the same time and saying to myself, I must save them all… 

Of course so much of that was me seeing myself in them, trying to save myself, vowing that no child would ever feel like I felt, worthless, dirty, scared to tell the truth, nowhere for the pain to go. And I remember all my kids through the years, the ones who loved me and the ones who resisted me. The ones I had to watch deteriorate. The visits to the psychiatric hospitals. I carried all that pain, and it was, too much for me to bear…

And my journey was in bits and pieces and languishing and hard but my soul was on fire even though I was dying so many times inside. God was preparing me for the coming of Christ in my life. You don’t have to carry this pain, these burdens, there is someone who I’ve chosen  to carry those for you, for them…

I look back now on that portion of my journey and smile with delight, all of those beautiful children, God trusted me with all of them, they were all Him. They were all His children, all Jesus.

“and the Israelites moved on from the wilderness of Sinai by stages”

Numbers 10:12 (a)

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7 thoughts on ““It is through many persecutions that we must enter the kingdom of God”

  1. Thank you for sharing this one. I can relate with how you fee among these children, I felt the same way too. I wish there will be no more children to suffer the same way I did. I don’t know if it that will be possible, but for now your post reminded me to protect every child I can including my inner child within 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes exactly, we all have a part to play. I read a book yesterday entitled, Sometimes God has a Kid’s face. Isn’t that so true? That title just rocked me. It was about the Covenant House and the children there.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The journey often seems slow and difficult, but God gives us strength when we least expect it. Working with children has blessed me in this way too. You never realize the impact you are having on them until later when they come back to thank you. Those days will come for you too, my friend.

    Liked by 3 people

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