I sat in my car today before I knew the outcome. Headphones on, music blasting, I thought of Jesus, people, and why Christians always appear so weak. The rap music was loud, the headphones were large. I thought of Jesus flipping tables.
It crossed my mind that I myself was sometimes so weak, and afraid. That it was fear more than anything else that aggravated my anxiety on various things. More particularly, it was the fear of rejection. I didn’t come to that conclusion on my own. God sent someone to point it out to me.
Why are we afraid? If we are represented by the God of the universe, the one who flipped tables, the one who alone went to His death to reconcile the world to himself, it makes no sense that we could or would be afraid of anything. To see the unseen. To experience the supernatural. To imagine Jesus in the LL Cool J rendition of Mama said knock you out.
In our attempts at humility, I realized that sometimes we become weak and fearful. That we mistake humbleness for meekness. That we are afraid to stand up for ourselves because we are afraid that we won’t represent Jesus’s virtues very well if we do that. But if we lie weak and unwilling, haven’t we contradicted the very nature of the gospel? Haven’t we made Jesus into a little bit of nothingness, weak and unable. He was none of this.
He told off the hypocrites, made political waves, caused a non-violent spiritual rebellion against the accepted practices of the times. He flipped tables and walked into synagogues like He owned the place. He answered questions in riddles and told the most pious and devout men of his day what time it was. Scribes, lawyers, rich, powerful He didn’t care. To Him, the message of the gospel was more important than anything else, which included their egos.
I had been beat up pretty badly this week, mostly by myself. But I also didn’t speak up for myself. I thought in order to please the Lord I had to remain quiet to share my witness, but inside I was dying. And sitting inside of this big situation with this question mark of an outcome I said to myself, what am I afraid of?
I then remembered a strong Jesus, a firm Jesus. I remembered the Jesus who defended an adulterous woman. I remembered the Jesus who talked back to a bunch of lawyers, when He was a mere “carpenter.” I remembered the Jesus who dared to say He was the Messiah, and the one who sat calmly while He knew His betrayer was breaking bread with Him. I suddenly didn’t see the crucified Jesus anymore, I saw a superhero.
The music was loud and I got in my car. I realized that sometimes being like Jesus is defending the things he has given you charge of. I realized that He was challenging me, growing me to see if I would rise to the occasion. I couldn’t, wouldn’t be afraid any longer. I was singin’ my song…