I do. But why? Why do I need permission to feel free? What if I wanted to move? Take my law degree and do something else with it. Why can’t I be a fitness instructor? I mean, I’m good at it and I love it. Would it mean that I would be broke? Maybe. Would it mean we may have to move? Not necessarily. But why, why do I have to stay here…
Are you there? Not part of the world but not really abandoning all you know for Him? Getting your prayer ideas off 15th century cards, or facebook posts or from the local thug turned preacher who now has a fancy suit and shoes to boot? Doesn’t it all make you mad???
The thing is we have great ideas. We say we’re going to go for a run every morning but never do. We say we’re going to travel more, enjoy God’s universe, organize, lose weight, stop smoking, whatever. But do we? And the radio this morning, Catholic radio. Father says, instead of making a New Year’s resolution to lose weight, stop smoking whatever, make a New Year’s Resolution to pray 15 minutes a day or spend time in God’s word. Really? Are we that shallow that we have to make a resolution to spend 15 minutes with God while we wander off to our pedicures and lattes. That really set me off. I am realizing the further I get in my walk with Christ, the more I realize how manufactured we really make Jesus….
Like the people who swear by the bible alone. Why? The bible wasn’t written for quite some time after Jesus died. What happened during that time? How did people celebrate Him, follow Him. There are no church services in the bible, babysitting ministries or tracts. There was a man, who was God who invited people to leave it all behind and follow Him. They had a relationship with Him, not a book. They loved Him, and that love propelled them to see the truth, to embrace Him, and ultimately to die for Him. So where are we now?
I want the pure Him. I follow the rules. I read my bible everyday. I am a text book Christian. But if I am doing everything right, than why do I feel so wrong?
Why am I confined? Why can’t I see Him amidst the hour and a half I spend every morning in bible study, the catechism and prayer? Why is my knee tapping uncontrollably at the mass? Why is my life 1/4 him and the rest worldly? Why has my life become about that “15 minutes” the priest talked about? What if I really let go and left it all behind…
Whose coming with me?