It’s hard to wake up and know things are about to change. Lent is an ordained time, a spiritual awakening, a desert and an emerging. I have never looked forward to a Lenten time such as this, knowing God will be on the other side.
I have been pondering the question, what does God want from me? Not in a cruel, demanding way, but in a loving and patient way. Where am I stuck? What more does He want me to do? I tossed and turned on this idea of what He wants from me for quite some time. And slowly as the days grew closer to Lent, I could feel the tug.
In the process of becoming a Catholic, I found the rosary, or rather the rosary found me. I could not understand its spiritual draw, repetitiveness or why I felt so implored to pray it. I was still having a difficult time with embracing the Blessed Mother, but the rosary called to me like an old friend, it felt like home.
I was so desperate to learn it that I taught myself and began praying it everyday. The spiritual benefits and side effects were beyond my wildest expectations. I would often pray it at night and fall asleep, but never feel guilty. It was through a woman at church that I realized that through it, God had cured my insomnia.
In the last several months I have strayed, doubted God’s plan, returned to some old habits. Nothing about what I’ve done is particularly sinful, but it has carried me away from the places that I should have been. I left the rosary behind and traded it back in for my anxiety. Anxiety was my constant companion, a place that I could hide. The rosary was freedom.
Sometimes when the door is open, prisoners who have done a great amount of time behind bars are afraid to embrace what lies ahead of them…
It was once again the Blessed Mother that brought me back to Jesus. It was slow but sure, and began with a medallion I had purchased but never placed around my neck.
I gave her room in my heart again, and she moved in, cleaned up and opened the windows…
She slowly took me like a little child, grabbed my hand and brought me back to Jesus. She was ever so gentle. And when I got there it was almost as if she disappeared. I realized in that moment that her purpose was to fade into the background once her job was done. Her job, constantly and continually to bring us back to her son…
I began to let go and let God. The Lord slowly began to prepare my heart for Lent. I let go of many of the distractions in my life, prayed about what God would have me do this Lent and looked over at my rosary that remained neatly folded on my nightstand. Tears began to flow as I recalled all the graces I had received from it, from her, which led to Him.
So I committed again to praying it. Like an old friend it was familiar, an awakening, needed. I disappeared in the mystery and allowed myself to be guided. And I found myself right back in the place where I had left off…
So I committed to prayer these next 40 days, committed to the rosary, committed to her and to Him. I am giving up idleness, emptiness, things that are designed simply to pass the time. I am giving my time back to God- all of it.
I hope you will join me this Lenten season in praying the rosary. If you have never prayed it before, contact me and I will teach you and guide you through. I would love to send you a rosary if you don’t have one. Let’s give our time back to God together, and pray for one another, in the midst of the season that points back to Him.
Love and Blessings,