Life · music

Does God Hate the F word?

“We sat with “It’s Time” for a year or year-and-a-half. Sometimes you just have to let a song sit for awhile. “

-Dan Reynolds, Imagine Dragons

The full interview can be found here

I find that music can sometimes be so fabricated you can’t touch it. Tracks playing, other people penning the music. Lyrics can be catchy, but still and lifeless, produced in a backroom by someone who doesn’t know the artist or the story that they are trying to sing.

It took several switches today on the radio dial to find a song with some sort of message or purpose. Normally I would usually hum along to whatever Christian music was playing at the time since I had my kids in the car, but today was different. Today I needed more than manufactured fluff.

I got agitated with every rhythm and turned back and forth between the Coffee House channel and Classic Vinyl, but nothing seemed to give way. Usually Paul Simon may do it for me, but not today. No; I needed something much deeper than that…

And so a song came on that I hadn’t heard in awhile, Imagine Dragons’ “It’s Time”, whose lyrics began to remind me of a more complicated time in my life. And although I wanted to turn it off, I couldn’t. Even with the polished track, you could feel and understand the songs depth and overreaching power to remind us that we are who God created us to be.

I wondered if the song wasn’t quite so manufactured, if it was in its most raw and pure form, if it would affect me differently. I quickly found the acoustic version to test out my theory, which quickly proved true. Unadulterated and unfiltered, unmanufactured, imperfect, pure voice and rhythm, I couldn’t help but think that this was such a metaphor for the lives we live.  If we could live our lives acoustically, real, no cloudiness, extras, filters, in our purest most honest form, wouldn’t the music sound so much sweeter?

I realized how afraid I was of living like that. Of continuing to expose who I am and how God is changing me. Exposing my faults, talking about my troubles and complexities. I realized just how hard it was to be a raw and honest human.

When you read or listen to the words of those people who you know are being completely honest, it reminds you how hard it was for them and that we are not alone. The song, the writing sounds different, almost uneven and uncomfortable. There are trembling voices, unsteady words, awkwardness and how could you’s. The reality is what makes us uncomfortable, or as Dan Reynolds puts it, “When a song is most honest and most raw that’s when you know you’re doing something right.”

And I want my song to be like that. I want to be like that. Completely transparent and open, not holding anything back, “Packing my bags and giving the Academy a rain check.”

I am terrified. Terrified to just be who I am, terrified I’m not good enough, terrified that maybe I’ll be a terrible failure at Christianity, for the road is oftentimes fraught with rockiness and heartache. I remembered yesterday when I asked God, no, no rather I screamed out loud, “Where the F are you??????”

But I cannot be anything else than who I am. I can’t be a boxed in Christian. I am not a saint. I am just trying to be me.


8 thoughts on “Does God Hate the F word?

  1. not a fan of the f word–nor of its current passé commonality.
    I think it is more banal then we imagine…plus I’ve written about our dumbing down of our language…. but…… that is not what this comment is about.

    So having just said all of that—
    I too have been known, in utter desperation, to say very much the same to God.
    Or more accurately to shout at Him with both clenched teeth and fists as the tears pour down my cheeks cursing Him, me, life…whatever it was that brought me to that moment of utter rawness…because He can seem so very far away and so very silent….or so I think at that such very raw moments.

    Now do I think it good that it is now a good thing that the f word is as common as saying “hi”…no—because I find it offensive…and yes words have meaning but we have lost our sense of decorum but again, that is not about this comment…
    this is about you who too still know that there is power in words and that sometimes that power is needed when dealing with something that we perceive to be even more powerful—
    as in how do we climb up to Powerful, when we are feeling our weakest, lowest and most vulnerable as well as our most frustrated and helpless and hopeless…
    with a powerful display of a lost child….

    So He gets it—He isn’t afraid, maybe a bit bemused, simply because we haven’t “gotten it yet”…but He’s patient….as we work through the frustration and the anger and the
    box we’re fighting to get out of….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. I think for me it is less about the word and more about frustration. For me it’s my go to word when I am at the end and need release. I agree the post is not per se about the f word at all but about the frustration that festers behind it.

      I still feel somewhat lost, waiting to hear Him, where are you where are you type of place? I hate being there- and also added to it exhaustion and just pure sadness.

      I am still in that place but not angry, just waiting. Hoping a good night’s sleep and some wisdom will fix that…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. no your’e not and I know that before this time in the desert is done, I will havel had a similar fit of frustration—probably evoking that same word which in turn is just a verbalization of my frustration with my Heavenly Father—who “cognizantly,” I know is there…yet that lonely frightened little girl, who still resides within from time to time, can and will have a fit when it’s just me and Him…

        Liked by 1 person

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