Death is an untimely beast. I am taken aback by its ugliness and unwillingness to give us a warning. As much as my hope lies in the promise of eternity, I am still reminded of my humanness, my inability to process grief, and my connection to people I’ve never met.
I joined this blogging community several years ago. I was led by the Holy Spirit to follow my writing dreams through the profession of my faith on a world-wide stage. My thoughts at the time were that it would simply be a writing platform, until I started reading more about this blogging concept and the community that was created.
So much of what I read talked about blogging not as some platform for writing itself, but rather for a chance to engage, to meet people and to join the conversation. I learned quickly that my idea of blogging had turned into so much more. Within just days of writing my early posts, I was brought in and accepted for who I was in the greater faith community. I was stunned and overwhelmed by my Christian brethren who I not only had dialogue with, but also shared my life with. Reading turned into comments which turned into personal emails, and later phone calls and skype chats.
I have met blogging friends in person, rejoiced with them, cried with them. This “idea” I had to preach the gospel on an online world-wide platform turned into so much more. I connected with other people, believers, non-believers, other victims of sexual abuse, people in pain, addicts and the like.
My relationships with our greater faith blogging community had blossomed. So when I heard that one of my dearest blogging friends had passed away suddenly of a heart attack, I nearly lost my breath. Susan was a dear friend to me. As a new Christian, she was the first to my rescue when I was vulnerable. As Jewish believers, we have everything in common. She was my true sister.
I can remember many times when we spoke over the phone her reassuring voice, her laugh and her wisdom. She called me after one particular heated exchange with another blogger and talked to me about how to love him. We both told each other what a special connection we felt we had and we truly did. There is nobody else in the world who can understand what it is like to be Jewish and accept Christ unless they are Jewish themselves. Susan got it, she got me. She got my pain and suffering, she got my conversion, she had my Jesus.
It is amazing to me how much love I have for you all in this community that we have formed. How Christ can connect all of us although we’ve never met. In my quest to evangelize the world and bring the message of the gospel to the Jewish people, I unexpectedly gained a family.
Susan, I love you and miss you and my heart is aching to just speak to you one more time. I don’t understand why God had to take you so suddenly, but I imagine you had work to do. You were such a pure soul with the fullest heart I have ever seen. I am so glad that I was able to tell you I loved you, and I know you loved me too.
I will ask for your intercessory prayer for my broken heart, and for all of those who are suffering from the loss of a loved one. You could and should be the patron saint of the broken-hearted. Your heart is the grandest I have ever seen.
So as I write this through a wall of tears and a mess of words I say thank you, I know you are reading this, I know you see me crying. I just want you to know how special you were to me, and to this world, crying out like Jesus for the voiceless, the hopeless and the outcast. Nobody will ever replace you.
And to all my friends in this faith blogging community, know how much I love all of you and how much you have all meant to me along my journey. Our theological differences could never tear us apart. It is the love of Christ that burns so brightly amongst the darkness of this world.