death · Dying

To Susan, I miss You

Death is an untimely beast. I am taken aback by its ugliness and unwillingness to give us a warning. As much as my hope lies in the promise of eternity, I am still reminded of my humanness, my inability to process grief, and my connection to people I’ve never met.

I joined this blogging community several years ago. I was led by the Holy Spirit to follow my writing dreams through the profession of my faith on a world-wide stage. My thoughts at the time were that it would simply be a writing platform, until I started reading more about this blogging concept and the community that was created.

So much of what I read talked about blogging not as some platform for writing itself, but rather for a chance to engage, to meet people and to join the conversation. I learned quickly that my idea of blogging had turned into so much more. Within just days of writing my early posts, I was brought in and accepted for who I was in the greater faith community. I was stunned and overwhelmed by my Christian brethren who I not only had dialogue with, but also shared my life with. Reading turned into comments which turned into personal emails, and later phone calls and skype chats.

I have met blogging friends in person, rejoiced with them, cried with them. This “idea” I had to preach the gospel on an online world-wide platform turned into so much more. I connected with other people, believers, non-believers, other victims of sexual abuse, people in pain, addicts and the like.

My relationships with our greater faith blogging community had blossomed. So when I heard that one of my dearest blogging friends had passed away suddenly of a heart attack, I nearly lost my breath. Susan was a dear friend to me. As a new Christian, she was the first to my rescue when I was vulnerable. As Jewish believers, we have everything in common. She was my true sister.

I can remember many times when we spoke over the phone her reassuring voice, her laugh and her wisdom. She called me after one particular heated exchange with another blogger and talked to me about how to love him. We both told each other what a special connection we felt we had and we truly did. There is nobody else in the world who can understand what it is like to be Jewish and accept Christ unless they are Jewish themselves. Susan got it, she got me. She got my pain and suffering, she got my conversion, she had my Jesus.

It is amazing to me how much love I have for you all in this community that we have formed. How Christ can connect all of us although we’ve never met. In my quest to evangelize the world and bring the message of the gospel to the Jewish people, I unexpectedly gained a family.

Susan, I love you and miss you and my heart is aching to just speak to you one more time. I don’t understand why God had to take you so suddenly, but I imagine you had work to do. You were such a pure soul with the fullest heart I have ever seen. I am so glad that I was able to tell you I loved you, and I know you loved me too.

I will ask for your intercessory prayer for my broken heart, and for all of those who are suffering from the loss of a loved one. You could and should be the patron saint of the broken-hearted. Your heart is the grandest I have ever seen.

So as I write this through a wall of tears and a mess of words I say thank you, I know you are reading this, I know you see me crying. I just want you to know how special you were to me, and to this world, crying out like Jesus for the voiceless, the hopeless and the outcast. Nobody will ever replace you.

And to all my friends in this faith blogging community, know how much I love all of you and how much you have all meant to me along my journey. Our theological differences could never tear us apart. It is the love of Christ that burns so brightly amongst the darkness of this world.

 Susan Irene Fox

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56 thoughts on “To Susan, I miss You

    1. Thanks Paul, if I haven’t said it today or maybe you didn’t know I am so grateful for you. You, Susan, and so many others are all dimensions of Jesus to me. Love you

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you Melissa – i was thinking something similar as I read all the comments. How we usually wait until it is too late to appreciate and share how much we each mean to each other. You are one of those people in my life – ((hugs)

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes, sitting with this. The struggle of relationships online, different places, how much “time” can we bottle, how much “love” do we really give away and can we give all of it, all of us, and be spent and still feel satisfied we did enough, how much is enough, did I do or say enough, is life too busy for me to love enough or stop, it seems cliche to me but at the same time malleable. I am grappling with feelings of regret, although I don’t know that they are regret as much as they are the why’s, and the help me Lord’s to understand this, and maybe it is the opening of my eyes to say Melissa this is not writing at all, it is a pathway to relationship, it is a touching of lives, it is the gospel persona grata, it is more than us. Maybe it’s about loving someone you barely know, or how words can transcend time and meaning and space. Maybe it’s how God’s love is not theology but just love, that’s it. That He is good and death is bad but that death is just something we may never understand. As you can see my insides are stirring…I feel like collaborating on a piece with you all like chicken soup, throwing all these thoughts and ideas and mixing it until it becomes medicine. Love you-
        M

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  1. I left a comment yesterday but it went straight to moderation and didn’t post as is the case with me and word press on various folks blogs…but her death was sudden, way too soon—but Susan now soars happily and content….as those who remain pick up the pieces

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Reblogged this on Church Set Free and commented:

    Susan, I miss you dearly. I will miss your words, your encouragement your grace, but most of all I will miss your unwavering acceptance of me for who I am, no more no less. Rest in peace my sweet sister, heaven has indeed become real for me today.

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  3. So sad to hear this news. I followed Susan as well and gained much strength from her words. She will be missed by many who have never had the honor of meeting her.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, it has been quite painful. I guess it is like JRR Tolkien so poetically stated, “Are not all of God’s punishments gifts?”

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  4. I just learned of Susan’s passing and was in tears. She was such a precious blogging friend. I did not personalty talk too her, but we shared many emails and thoughts through the year that I have been a part of this community. You express so well many of my feelings toward Susan. She was a miraculous women of faith, and will be missed dearly

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    1. Yes she was. There is a service for her out in Brentwood this Saturday, I’m sorry that I won’t be able to make it. She was truly one in a million, a rare gem and I miss her greatly.

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      1. I live in Iowa so I can’t possibly attend. Someone posted something about the service on Saturday and that’s how I found out she had passed away. I would love to somehow be able to tell her family just how much she touched people in this community. I can’t begin to explain how much she touched my life

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Reblogged this on and commented:
    Some of you have heard we lost a dear sister in Susan Irene Fox back in August. I am at a loss for words. This was one of God’s greatest creation. She had so much to share, to give. I don’t know how to say what a special person she is. So I am reblogging Melissa’s words. She says it so much more beautiful than I ever could. I look forward to seening you again someday Susan!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Andy. I have been praying about what we can do for her. I contacted WordPress and there currently is no platform to remember bloggers who have passed away. I thought maybe we could all write a tribute to her and link to each other on the same day. Let me know your thoughts.

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      1. Maybe we can do the whole week that way people can write when they have the time. One of us can do a post and then we can reblog it

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      2. Melissa, I’ve received so much positive feedback about Susan. I think if someone wanted to post a tribute to her they would. You did a great job and spoke for so many, like me. I’ve decided that after re blogging your post that is all I can do for now. I appreciate you!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Melissa, Sis, I am so sorry I did not see earlier. I just read your other post and reblogged it, “Hey WordPress, We are Humans.” Sometimes I see posts on Facebook and usually read them immediately, I don’t use the Reader on WP so much. For a few months I was in my own set of circumstances and didn’t even turn on the computer as the pain I deal with much of the time hinders my mind from concentrating. I have been seeking the Lord through all this, but enough excuses. I am so sorry Sis.

    Sister Susan and I didn’t always see eye to eye when it came to our stances on what is and isn’t important in politics, but our understanding of unconditional love NEVER got in the way of sharing. I didn’t realize this notice would affect (yes I mean affect as opposed to effect) me so much as I am sitting her typing through the tears.

    She was an inspiration, not just in her writing but her Poetry was so amazing! I ALWAYS looked forward to her poetry! She was sensitive and inspired, but above all, she truly did LOVE! Too many people look at the “blogosphere” as casual, superficial, but I never have; years ago the Lord showed me the importance and the breadth of the human spirit’s influence and I learned many years ago with website forums, that where people gathered, whether it be a “brick and mortar” building, or the virtual “church” of a blog site or forum, where two or three of God’s children gathered, the Lord’s Spirit was right along there with us.

    I have so much more to say, I wish I could say, but the sobbing is truly getting to me. I am an old sentimental romantic at heart, always have been. Will say God Bless you sincerely and my prayers will ever be with our group of Lover’s of the Lord!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes I understand. I had many nights of no sleep and her passing has greatly affected me. I think she deserved more than a brush off of, we can’t do anything for you. These forums are not a joke or a campaign, they are human, and especially for us as Christians who value the meaning of human life in a deeply personal way.
      Know that I will be praying for you my brother and that I care, and if I were there I’d give you a great big hug. Love you

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