addiction · Jesus

My letter to your addiction

Dear You,

Addiction is an ugly beast. I saw you today, but didn’t. The devil is a liar.

I will love you in the ugliness of your disease. It will not consume you. Christ has already done that.

You were sitting so far away even though you were right next to me. I wanted to reach out and kill the ugliness. The silence was malleable. I wanted to cry. You looked like a little child. I wished I could tell you it was all going to be ok.

I hate that you struggled to see the face of Jesus. You forgot the kneeler. The weeks of sobriety. The moments of breakthrough. What He did for you. What we went through to get you here.

You choose the feeders of your destruction over the God you love, I can’t understand it. And what about me? I am standing right here, and you can’t even see me. God, do I miss you.

Even though the pills want to swallow you whole, they have not. You are not dead, yet. I can’t hold your hand because you won’t let me. Being clean is just a state of mind. Being saved is forever.

I have no more tears left to cry, they’ve all gone away, even the ones that beg to crawl out. I don’t want you to go away, but where will you stay? We were sitting next to one another a million miles apart. My hands hurt. I looked up at the nails. He was crying too.

There is no way I could ever let you go, but I’m losing my grip. If I hold my hands up will God declare victory? Even your I love you’s hurt because tomorrow may come. Where will you be?

If I can’t love you out of your addiction, I’ll love you here on paper and wish that it would move you.  The world can know I’m hurting. Where do the ones who love the ones go? The lovers of the addicts, the other hurting side, the ones who have nowhere to go because you are not there…

Maybe you’ll choose to stay a little longer, find the kneeler again, look up at the nails, sit next to me. How do you sit next to someone and watch them die?

I’ll still wait for you, and so will He.

Love,

Me

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from hell
Blue skies from pain
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here
We’re just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl
Year after year
Running over the same old ground
And how we found
The same old fears
Wish you were here

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12 thoughts on “My letter to your addiction

  1. Having stood on both sides (loved one & addict) this has pulled me through, despite the pair of shoes I may be wearing…to receive the Good He has in store, mis-matched socks and all. Praise God, I know He sees me… Praise God, I know He hears me… And He hears you, as well.

    Liked by 1 person

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